Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Getting bigger...


Samuel is getting bigger by the minute! He has outgrown a lot of his baby-grows and is now into 0-3month sizes. I don't know where he gets it from, Adam and I are so tiny. Still, it's good to see.

I'm getting the help I need, so we just have to persevere with it now. My estimation of full health has been revised to Christmas to give a chance for the councelling (when it comes) to work properly. It's taken some of the pressure off to be better 'now' and with Adam helping about the house I feel like I can start to breathe again.

P.S. While writing the mail arrived with a letter asking me to call and arrange an appointment. The earliest they can give me is July 14th. It's going to be a long few weeks.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

It's worse, apparently, if the number is bigger.

My Health Visitor came to see us today. I had to ask where my councelling appointment is since it's getting harder to wait. Wednesday morning brought a bit of a meltdown and I'm really not coping very well. I had to complete a postnatal mental health questionaire.* I got a score of 25/30. This is not good. Apparently it's enough not good that our Health Visitor contacted our GP and I have to go for an appointment. This is because it requires a GP to prescribe medication. I have it on very good authority that this is the right thing to do and will get me better. I am prepared to listen to that authority.

Sadly, I have a lot of aquaintances on happy pills. It is somewhat fashionable in Dundee. I really don't want any of them thinking they know what I'm going through because we have tablets in common. Mostly because I'm not going through anything other than an overabundance of post pregnancy hormones upsetting the balance in my brain. I need help and probably tablets for a few months to get over it.

I am very miserable, very tired and very frustrated. I just want to get better.

*it's the same questions on all mental health questionaires. You might have done one. It ends with 'have you considered harming yourself (in the last week)' with the options, all, most, some of the time and never. Fun to have to underline one of those when you feel miserable.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Lovely weekend


We had a lovely weekend just past. Samuel had a lovely day with his Grandad on Friday, we went out for cake and I tried to open a baby bank account. It turns out I forgot some of the paperwork so we will have to try again this week. Oops.

We went into Dundee on Saturday and met Hobbit, Helen and Kev. It was a busy day but good fun seeing everyone. I got very tired and was glad when I got home. Grey and I tried to relax in the evening but Samuel was a little grumpy so much time was spent with him.

Samuel was one month old on Sunday. [que fanfare] Uncle Hobbit came over for a celebrateory BBQ and games afternoon. I got more tired, but it was a lovely day.

Monday has hit me harder than normal this week. I'm hoping my appointment comes in quickly since this can't really go on safely much longer. Popping out to the Farm when Samuel's breakfast goes down - so I'll have some company and the chance of a rest for some of the day.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Three weeks already!


Samuel was three weeks old yesterday. I still feel guilty when I do things that aren't for him, but I have to get over that eventually. He is sleeping just now but I still get the impression that I'm doing the wrong thing taking some time on the 'puter to myself. Oh well.

He is developing really well, focussing on things and moving his head about. We are trying to get him to follow toys with his head now, rather than just his eyes. This will help develop his neck muscles and hopefully he'll be able to hold his head up soon. He occaisionally picks it up for a moment, when he's being wriggly baby, but it is part of moving his whole body so I don't think it counts.

I'm doing ok. Healing up fine and I think my iron levels are working their way back to normal. I'm much less exhausted. Most mornings I'm struck by weepies though and I decided to talk about this with my GP. We had a good chat about it and I'm going to get an appointment to speak to someone about everything I have been through the last few months. I wasn't that happy as a pregnant lady (as most of you will know) and Samuel's birth was the most exhausting and traumatic thing I have ever been through. Being Samuel's mother is wonderful, but I need some space to process everything properly and make sure that the traumatic bit and the wonderful bit don't get mixed up in the chaos.

Thankfully, Aileen had noticed my looming depression just as I did. Which means I've done the right thing and I have someone to make sure I do the right things to get past this. All this does mean I'm tired and giving my energy exclusively to Samuel. He is developing well, which means I haven't infected him with my sadness and I want to keep it that way.

We'll be back on our feet again soon, I'm taking all the time I need.

Friday, May 29, 2009

When life just piles it on.

So, I'm sort of getting the hang of this. Feeding, playing, napping and sleeping myself when Samuel does. Feeding is the hardest thing. Samuel was getting fussy and only eating every couple of hours, which is totally exhausting. We have changed teats and seem to be getting on a lot better. So now I'm just waiting for the next growth spurt when everything will change again. Still, it's great for just now. All in all Samuel is a lovely baby. Now he's not hungry the entire time, he has little awake moments waving his arms around 'bringing in the planes' as Granny Jo calls it; proper sleeps; his poo is getting less hard - although we still try and get some boiled water into him every so often; and Mummy can sort of predict his behaviour a little bit (based on gurgles and movements more than timescales, but it's good)

Annoyingly for me, however, I have taken badly to my iron tablets and after only two doses I have the voms and runs. This is especially annoying since watery runs don't wait for a 11 day old baby to be done winding. At least once, Samuel has been dropped back in his moses basket, hurredly wrapped up safe and warm while Mummy dashes uncerimoniously to the loo. GP was lovely about everything, changed my tablets and advised me rest(!) and lots of water. Things seem a little improved today, managed toast without insta-cramping (Although light cramping did set in about half an hour later. It's gone now.)

So I'm off for a shower while Samuel has his morning nap. I should get my head down too since Grandad and Uncle James will be here this afternoon, so a later nap will be out of the question. Daddy Grey will be home both days this weekend, which I am really looking forward to and we might even spend some time just having a cuddle, which I think I have really missed this last week with being so tired. Yep, a cuddle from Grey is probably all the cure I need.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Haz Baby.


Baby Samuel was born on Sunday 17th May at 9.45am, weighed 7lb 14oz and was Apgar 9. Kicking, screaming, looking around and a lovely pink colour!

We had an eventful delivery in the end, after I started latent labour on Friday night (the 15th May - the day I thought was my due date incidentally all those months ago, before the midwives revised it to the 13th) This is a cruel punnishment, with irregular contractions and very little progress. I found it too painful to sleep through and so ended up having a sleepless night in the bath trying to cope. After a swift trip to AMU on Saturday morning for some codine, I managed a restless few hours sleep until about 11am. This was to be the last 4hour sleep I had for several days. I didn't know until later how very grateful I would be for it.

My labour finally established around 6pm on Saturday and I headed to AMU for some water therapy to control the pain. Also some 'gas and air' which was too strange for me at first, but was a total necissity by the end. It was another couple of hours before I was in medical Established Labour, which was combined with some false urges to push. These are not fun, and very tiring. In the end I had to get out of the pool for an examination, some pethadine and the hope of some respite so I could regain some energy. Two mini catheters, a mini enema and a lot of lucozade and I'm basically empty of everything except the baby. Which is when the back pain kicks in. Pethadine is a great drug and dulled my contractions to managable, until this happened. It required pethadine, gas and air and two people massaging various bits of me to get through each contraction. Then there was a mad rush to relax and try and regain some energy for the next one. At this point I've not slept properly (except for my drug induced rest this morning) since Wednesday night - involving another story about suspected pre-eclampsia which will wait for another time.

The urges to push start up so after a quick exam we find out that these are, again, false and I should try not to push. This turns out to be even more exhausting than pushing fruitlessly.

Then a glimmer of hope, I'm fully dilated! So off we go with a quick tutorial on the most efficient way to push and the next contraction should start the show... Only it doesn't, nor the next, the next.... I'm getting nowhere fast and I just want to go home. After a second opinion, (Now there's me, Adam, Midwife 1 and 2 in the room) it turns out there is a part of my cervix yet to relax fully, so I should breathe through the contractions again. Arrrggggghhhh. Only I'm too tired to arrgggghhh, so I nod weakly and give it my best shot. It's about 5am.

At some point the midwives decide I might be better on a higher bed so they can help me more. So I down some more lucozade and wander through to the other room. We have no success there either. Around 7am a decision is made to break the stalemate. I'll have to go to Ninewells. A phone call is made. I should try not to push to conserve my energy (!) The worry is this, I'm ready to push but am getting dehydrated and running out of energy fast. I don't want to be stuck in Arbroath with a baby half out because I pass out. Blue lights all the way to Ninewells.

By the way, my pethadine has worn off. I'm too close to delivery to have more so I'm down to gas and air. Contractions every 4mins or so and about 15 roundabouts. I'll let you imagine it. My feeling at this point was a hope for blissful unconciousness.

At Ninewells, we are deposited in a huge room and Midwife 3 from AMU who was dispatched to accompany me to the hospital waits to hand me over to the team at the labour suite. Then suddenly there are about 12 doctors, two midwives from Ninewells, Adam, me and Button and the room seems less huge. I need fluids, so there are several attempts to get a canula into me (I have terrible veins, so I apologise to the doctor that was left with this task, and consider my bruises to be proud war wounds!) Upon examination, there is a plan that I should try and push again for half an hour before they intervene. I am taught a new way to push. I think I get a little way. Perhaps as far as getting the top of Baby's head actually into my cervix. So they attach a little heart monitor to the top of Button's head.

It's about 8am when things change. Button is getting distressed. Well Mummy has made a bit of a pigs ear of things so far, he's been a very patient boy and I'd be getting frustrated if I was pulling my weight but the other half of the team was letting the side down! HFFD (a type of forceps delivery) is decided on. Local anesthetic and surgery greens now adorn my lower half and the bottom of the bed dissapears. Forceps delivery is painful in a hot, stretching way. It doesn't feel very natural and one still has to push just as hard. But it is a blessedly short process - once everything was in place, I was only three or four pushes away from meeting little Button.

Grey cut the cord and the little man was dumped on my chest. My first though upon seeing these beautiful blue eyes wide open and innocent in a face that looks just like his father. Totally worth it.

Stiching me up took some time. Every pin prick caused a new bleed and I was swelling up fast. Adam fed Samuel (we named him instantly) while the doctor was putting me back together. After some tea and toast (very Brittish) we moved to observation for a few hours and then up to the recovery ward for involved deliveries. Samuel met his Granny JoJo, Grandpa Malcom and Grandmother Norma. Mummy failed to sleep despite having been desperate to for almost 20 hours.

Then on Monday, I got sick. While my BP had come back towards normal, I was tachycardic - my resting pulse was a massive 133bpm. It turns out that the 500mls of blood I lost during labour plus a depletion in my iron reserves had left me with a blood count of 7.8 (I believe around 13 is more normal) They don't do blood transfusions any more, there is a wonderful new IV drug called Venflon that basically tells your body to use all the iron it gets to make red blood cells. Two doses are required 24hours apart. The first of which is administered in Observation. It's around 2am by the time I get back to the ward and to bed.

All this means that I'm not getting home until Wednesday at the earliest. Which turns out to be for the best, since Samuel develops jaundice and needs a blood test. It comes back within normal limits, so we treat him with lots of sunlight and plenty of cuddles.

Samuel is 8 days old today. His jaundice cleared up really quickly, but he is a little constipated. It's warm here just now so we are giving him a little extra water to help clear that up. He's a wonderful little baby who cries just enough of the time that I have plenty of excuses to pick him up for cuddles. We are trying to extend the gaps between his feeds from 2.5 hours up to nearer 3.5 just now. This is difficult to say the least.

I am still very anemic. I've only stumbled on the stairs once - there was no real harm done except I burned my face with hot tea. I'm exhausted and everything is taking longer to heal because my reserves are so low. Dad and Adam got me to Morrisions on Saturday and then I spent all of Sunday sleeping (well, sleeping until Daddy needed a hand with Samuel) which was rest I really needed.

I'm feeling much better today, but I have to remember to sleep when Samuel is settled during the day. I still have a lot of recovery to do. Yesterday my heart rate was 87bpm resting, which is better so recovery won't be far off.

You'll forgive me for wanting to hold off the celebrations and showing off for a few weeks. After all we've been through it's a celebration enough for me to be at home with my beautiful baby boy.

Monday, May 11, 2009

shotgunning pineapple juice

Due in two days. Bizarrely getting nervous now.

Grey said I had ants in my pants all day yesterday. I just couldn't settle to anything. We did get the spuds banked up, pumpkins potted on, washing done and went to the shops for messages. Finally got to bed a bit after 10pm. It took me a while to settle, but after I did I managed a really good nights sleep.

Maybe this is a sign of things starting to move. Maybe I'm just a bit nervous. Either way I'm drinking lots of pineapple juice to see if it makes any difference.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Flicking back through my Blog.

Not long after I moved I was The Empress.

Now I am:


You are Strength


Courage, strength, fortitude. Power not arrested in the act of judgement, but passing on to further action, sometimes obstinacy.


This is a card of courage and energy. It represents both the Lion's hot, roaring energy, and the Maiden's steadfast will. The innocent Maiden is unafraid, undaunted, and indomitable. In some cards she opens the lion's mouth, in others she shuts it. Either way, she proves that inner strength is more powerful than raw physical strength. That forces can be controlled and used to score a victory is very close to the message of the Chariot, which might be why, in some decks, it is Justice that is card 8 instead of Strength. With strength you can control not only the situation, but yourself. It is a card about anger and impulse management, about creative answers, leadership and maintaining one's personal honor. It can also stand for a steadfast friend.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Joining a new club

I met with a local Mum on Monday. We chatted for hours and I had a great time. After feeling so lonely for the last few months and not really knowing what the future will be like, with all my baby-free friends, it was more relaxing than I could have hoped for.

The pie was made sweeter after I had a wonderful chat with Ails, which served to remind me that I still have all that from the past to carry forward with me.

So I'm joining a new club, I'll be a Mum. I won't be alone, there are Mums all over the place. Even better, I don't have to quit my old club to get there. I get to add it to my portfolio of all the stuff I have going for me. :)

Monday, May 04, 2009

Almost nothing on the To-Do list!

Dad came down at the weekend with our Cot, blanket box and some more clothing and blankets for the Bump. While he was here, Grey fitted the loft hatch, checked to see if our spare heater would work somewhere else (it won't,) fixed the door to Button's room so that it closes, and made gate legs for my fold away gate-leg kitchen table. It was fabulous!

Now I'm down to a couple of phone call based jobs and hanging some pictures. I'd have a go at putting the pictures up but I'm just a little bit too front heavy for popping up a ladder. That aside I'm not really allowed access to hammers - last time I dropped it on my toe and bled for 2 hours. Oops.

I'm popping out for coffee this morning, and then maybe again on Wednesday. Thursday is the usual game (which I'm hoping to make, because it might be the last one for a few weeks...)

Button seems keen to arrive, but just hasn't quite worked it out yet. Perhaps a day out near some playing children will give the inspiration required for that last step. We'll see.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Still Pregnant

I'm not going to moan about this too much, since having Button arrive on time is infinately better than the torment of having ones bump arrive too early. However, I'm feeling nausiated (I think that's right) all the time, my indigestion is back (even though Button has moved down, which should give me more space - ha ha!) I basically sleep in 2 hour chuncks now and I'm feeling just a little bit fed up.

This is all normal apparently, but doens't make it likable. Hrumph.

I read an OK book the other day. Jumper which was mostly about a young lad coming to terms with abuse in a normal, reactive way. It was refreshing and well written. Even if he did have a super power :). If you have a spare few hours, I reccomend it.

We also were introduced to Dominion the card/board game. It is really, really good fun and one of the most interesting board games I have come across in recent times. The mechanics are anally simple, but every game is unique and a challenge to play. The game itself, however, is totally indescribable in a way that expresses this properly. It's by Rio Grande and costs around £30 / $50 which is a lot for a game. Basically if there is a gaming shop near you, see if you can get in on a game. It'll be worth it just to see how badly you are going to want to own a copy.

That's about it really. Now I'm starving so off for some breakkie.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

fizzled out rant.

I wanted to Blog this morning and have a huge rant about nosey 'holier-than-thou' idiots, but have since realised that there are more important things in life. So now the rant has become a musing. The moral if which is 'just say sorry, and move on.'

Basically, don't bother telling me things you know third hand. Certainly don't impart your judgements to me about things you have only heard second hand - and expect me to care. If you want to gossip, leave me out.

I clearly can't live up to your standards, you perfect people. When you are willing once again to talk to we fallable indiviuals, let me know. And remember that *I* would hate to be discussed in public, wouldn't you?

That said, I'm fat and pregnant. Not in the mood to talk to crazy medicated people with no sense of life or perspective. So in general if you think you qualify under that description expect me to tell you to bugger off.

Oh, in good stuff. I got beautiful new carpet for my baby's room, Grandma Norma (to be) is dropping off the moses basket this morning. I'm collecting some baby things from Nana Jo (to be) at the end of this week and I'm finally ready to get the sproglet squeezed out and on with being a family. Hopefully Button will sense this and not dawdle. Everything (except legs) crossed.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Hmm, it looks like Summer.

It has been a glorious weekend here which is great for the Easter holidays, and good for us too. We got lots done in the garden and plenty of odd jobs finished off inside the house too.

I have a List of things that I need to do - partly so that Grey can refer to it and do some of them, but mostly so I don't keep forgetting things. It's also nice to cross things off a list, it makes everything seem more manageable. My List has been a bit of a nightmare the last few weeks - it has spent a great deal of time growing and not much time shrinking. Adding to a list is less good for the soul than crossing stuff off one. However, the list was down to a scant few items after a weekend with Grey and my Dad working on it. It was lovely. I even let them cross out some of the things they had done, as a reward.

Sadly this morning I'm a bit tired and my hormones are catching up with me again, so the list grew substantially. I'll feel bad for Grey when he comes home and sees it.

I'm getting very big and a bit uncomfortable now. The heat in the sun makes me feel a little like a beached whale - which leads me to be very glad the Baby is due in a few weeks and I'm not going to be like this all summer.

Monday is housework day, I'll let breakfast go down and then start to tidy up, dust, sweep, mop and hover my way to the end of the day. Then I'll worry about the List again.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Snow

Yes, it finally made it to Arbroath (and apparently Dundee). It took a roundabout route via the Highlands and Inverness, but it has at last graced us with it's presence.

Which would be lovely, except i had a Dr's appointment this morning and the roads have not been cleared. Oh well, that can be sorted by phonecall. Lunch in Dundee may be interesting. I have a few hours before I need to pop on my warm socks and new boots and worry about that though.

I'm still very hormonal. The hormones aren't making me depressed so much any more though. I only hate being pregnant for about an hour every day now. (shock horror, it's been said out loud!)

Yep, for the most part since Christmas being pregnant has sucked horribly. I bypassed all that second trimester energy and bouncy anti-natal glow. You're not allowed to say so though. Pregant women are entitled to sit with their feet up, but not announce out loud that they are miserable, lonely and gut wrenchingly helpless. Don't do it to yourself. Trust me, this is not for the faint hearted.

Thankfully I have the most wonderful GP in the world, and he signed me off work without a second word about it. Made me feel normal, without me even having to say how crazy I was feeling. We laughed about how the Midwives can't really cope with women crying their eyes out, so I'd best hide the crazy from them. It's a cool conspiracy and now I've gone and blown it wide open. Oops.

I'm not actually sorry though.

So today I chat to the GP on the phone and get the last two weeks sick leave I need before I start my Maternity leave from work. (You know, it's been a month and they haven't even called to ask how I am doing.) Then at some point soon I'll take Adam into town and collect my things from the office, since I can't quite face going in alone.

Maybe soon I'll be able to cope with other happy, glowing pregnant ladies and I'll head back to the Aquanatal fitness class I should be going to. I'm aiming for next week, but we'll see.

I wonder if they are pretending too.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

The World

It has been a really odd morning. There is some Stuff I have wanted to do for a few weeks now, and this morning my whole self was screaming to get it done. Perhaps it is time. These things may not end well, that's something I knew from the start.

Perhaps I'm just hormonal. Apparently you get that way when you are pregnant.

So with a goodbye my friend and an I won't look back curtesy of E4Music, The World c/o my Tarot cards and this boiling gut wrenching need in my being it's time to start the journey.

(Oh yeah, you didn't miss it. I said I'm Pregnant.)

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Unit

Korvar (AKA Fox) - Hacking / Contacts
Furelli - Engineer / Programming / Hacking
Ghost - Hacking / Contacts
McGuffin - Engineer / Contacts / Command
Qaniss - Command / Tactics / Engineer

Friday, August 29, 2008

new RPG we are running!

Adam and I have made up an RPG. It looks like people think it will be fun. I am posting the rules (such as they are) here so I can have a permanent link on the game blog. Just in case players loose the rules email they'll get.

--------------------------------------

Welcome to Department λ. This is an online RPG played using time-consuming skills week on week by email and quick time skills in live time sessions over the Internet using Roger Wilco.

Adam and I will be your GMs taking the role of the Department by weeks and Agents by live sessions.

Useful links for the game:

Email -

departmentlambda@googlemail.com

Blog -

http://departmentlambda.blogspot.com

Roger Wilco voice comms -

http://rogerwilco.gamespy.com/products/downloads/rw_win_dload.html

Game Table for dice rolling -

http://gametable.galactanet.com/

Character Gen.
Please make up your character using the following information. There is a good chance we have forgotten something, or our descriptions are unclear, so please ask if you have any questions.

You will need a CallSign

Each Controller has six skills;

Hacking – operation time-scale >2hours. This is your personal ability to extract data on a subject by hacking.
Programming – operation time-scale >2hours. Your personal ability to program solutions which can be used during a live operation. To erase a HHD, corrupt specific data, copy-cat email...
Engineering
– operation time-scale = minutes to hours. During a live operation your ability to assess electronic (or otherwise) gadgets, locks, machines etc. You can give direction to Agents on disarming, unlocking, perverting etc. these items. Can be used to plan out engineering solutions to problems you expect to face.
Contacts – operation time >2hrs. The people you know who can give you information.
Command – operation time Tactics / Combat co-ordination – operation time = minutes to hours. You can plan out an operation given the correct data on location, operating Agents etc. You can also visualise comprehensively an operation in progress and come up with on the spot solutions.

You will start with 3d6 in each of these (this is Basic Level for a skill and is the minimum you can have)

We give you 5d6 to split over the skills. There are no limits on this – you can start with one skill at 8d6 and the rest at Basic Level.

These are the only things you need to do to make a character. Once you have a callsign and skills assigned, email that information back to departmentlambda@googlemail.com

Using skills
When you are using a skill to achieve an objective we will assign a target number of successes. These successes can be gained over a succession of days, so long as you make no other dice roll between those successive dice rolls. If you need to make cumulative dice rolls, the target number will increase for each attempt by one or more successes.

[example; Shadow is attempting to hack into a corporation building for detailed maps of their security systems. She emails deparmentlambda on day 1 to inform us of her activity and is spending all day on this task using her 7d6 in hacking. departmentlambda issues an email informing her that she needs a total of 8 successes to get that information, that she has been unsuccessful today but is making some headway. Shadow decides that she wants to continue this hack on day 2 using all of her dice and informs us. On day 2 departmentlambda informs her that she will now need a total of 9 successes to get that information and that she has some limited data gathered, but not the complete information she wanted. Shadow considers taking the hack into day three, estimating the difficulty will increase to 10 successes required but decides instead to take this limited data so she can undertake further activity this week on other things. She emails departmentlambda to this effect and we send her the information she has gathered.]

Collaboration with the Department – if you want you may work closely with the Department on a line of enquiry. This involves full disclosure of your findings and will lead to results posted at the Blog, but will give a dice pool equal to your skill plus the number of DD you wish to spend.

Game Play
Plot seeds will be posted at departmentlambda.blogspot.com. Use these as inspiration for questions and research you think might be required. You have two options for research;

ONE – email a notification to departmentlambda@googlemail.com that you are working on a line of enquiry using your own skill. Describe the enquiry, indicate to us how much of your skill you want to spend on this investigation. You can spend all of your skill on one enquiry, or split your dice over two or more enquiries in any day. You will receive a result privately to your email. Your dice pool will refresh each day at midnight.

TWO - email a requisition for information from the Department. Describe the information you require and indicate how many of the Department Dice you wish to spend from the pool of Department Dice available to you for any assignment. You will receive a result publicly on the Blog.

In both cases information will be issued based on the number of successes we rolled on your behalf.

You may collaborate on investigation (email each other to chat about the game) we do insist though that you Cc departmentlambda@googlemail.com for any correspondence – to avoid any 'by the way... we're in costume and we've stolen a car' moments. You are anonymous, individual operators, so you may not pool dice for the purposes of research. You may, of course, hack/program/contact people in reference to the same things – and will probably get richer information because of it.

Live Time
During Live play you will be working with and through your Agents. You will give them commands and will receive responses directly from them. They will roll dice to determine successes. You may not split your dice pool during livetime – any attempt gets your full attention. Your dice pool will refresh after each attempt.

We will use Game Table for dice rolling and Roger Wilco for communicating.

Department Dice
You will receive a number of Department Dice per scenario. These can be spent on the following things;
Research, using Department resources
Agents with specialised knowledge or skills
Equipment for your Agents

This number will be advertised to you at the onset of an investigation. Spend them wisely.

Department Dice may be cut for future operations if the Department feels that they have been squandered. If prime Agents or equipment are requisitioned and then lost, for example.

Agents
Agents start off with Basic Skill (1-3d6 determined randomly) in the following skills;

Unarmed combat – Basic level, this covers the ability to punch or kick out defensively. Higher levels indicate degrees of skill in formalised unarmed combat disciplines.
Stealth – Basic level, this gives the agent the chance to walk sneakily. Higher levels indicate the ability to perform complex actions more silently, like lock-picking, climbing or hiding.
Awareness/notice – Basic level, they can observe a room for the obvious and relay that information to a Controller. Higher levels indicate particularly observant Agents, or those who can interpret the importance of fuller description of spaces.
Athletics (climbing, lifting, jumping &c) – Basic level, Agents can use ladders; lift moderate weights (up to 25kg or so); will maintain condition during an operation – average adult atheticism. Higher levels indicate particular athleticism; climbing the outside of buildings; having greater strength; exceptional all round fitness – solider/marine level athleticism.
Cyberwear (having it, using it under duress) – Basic level, Agents have two way voice communication hardwear, they can respond vocally with no external indication of doing so. They will be in constant contact using this. Agents also have email delivered to the inside of their eyelids, this can be used to send text or images to the Agents but it will take them a moment to read the data. Agents can take photographs and send them to Controllers via email, this takes a few minutes. Higher levels in this skill indicate an ability to conceal their cyberwear, or having better integrated cyberwear. The maximum number of items of cyberwear an Agent can have is equal to the number of Department Dice spent on this skill.

Requisitioning Agents
Agents will have a unique callsign.

A basic Agent costs 4 Department Dice.
Using further Department Dice Agents can be requisitioned who are competent, specialised or expert in particular skills;
Buying a new Basic Skill costs 1 DD, and gives the Agent 1-3d6 in that skill;

To upgrade from basic;

Buying Competency costs 1 DD, Competency represents 4-6d6;
Specialisation costs 2 DD, Specialisation represents 7-9d6;
Expertise costs 5 DD. Expertise represents 10d6 or higher

These costs are not cumulative. You may buy Specialisation without first buying Competency, for a skill that an Agent currently has at Basic level.

Skills higher than this are not commonly available.
Agents skill levels are determined randomly within the indicated bands.

Equipment for Agents
Equipment can be requisitioned for Agents and will cost Department Dice. Since there are loads of things you might want I will make up a shopping list as we go, based on the things you have asked for in the past.

As an indication;
Sidearms – 1 DD
Automatic firearms – 2 DD
Missiles – 5 DD
Explosives – 3 DD
Medical kits – 1 DD (these come with instructions to count as Basic Skill in Field First Aid. First Aid is a skill that can be bought.)
GPS – 1 DD
Night Vision equipment – 2 DD
Vehicles – 8-12 DD

Any items purchased will require a relevant skill – i.e. Purchasing a Firearm, an Agent will need a Firearm skill to use the weapon.

Any item can be equipped as cyberwear, up to the maximum number of cyberwear items your Agent can have. The relevant skill to the item is always rolled; Firearm skill for guns, Surveillance skill for spy equipment, Lockpicking skill for lock picks &c. Cyberwear skill is only rolled for concealing cyberwear.

XP Dice
You will be awarded XP based on your success in an operation. These can be spent on a one-for-one basis directly after any operation. You will not have a chance to spend them again until after the next operation.

Have fun!

Amy and Adam.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I get more money now

I got a pay rise for a job I'm good at. I hear this is something to be proud of. So yey me.

Also we picked new paint for the Dining room this weekend and I can finally replace the curtain poles with ones that fit. This is a Good Thing.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Acceptance

It's an odd feeling. One that seems to have crept up on me.

I'm cleaning my kitchen, with my iPod. Listening to music, having a dance, throwing stuff away. It's good, it's relaxing.

There was a time I thought I would never be able to listen to music again. Last April, on the flight to New York, I watched Happy Feet and cried my way through it. I have cried most mornings on my way to work in the car, listening to Radio 2. Today there are no tears.

I thought about Eric and Louigi and while I miss them terribly, I can smile about the memories.

I don't think I can say goodbye quite yet, but since life has dragged me forward to this point I'll just have to wait for it to take me the rest of the way.