Highs and Lows

On balance, we are getting on a lot better. Samuel is a little angel and was so brave when he got his first set of injections. We both passed the tests with flying colours on Tuesday. Samuel is gaining weight well and is super long baby (as Adam comments, 'long baby is long!') He is strong and holding his head up well. His eyesight and concentration are developing great too. Samuel had a little grizzle from all the poking and prodding (and then the long periods of waiting with nothing to do, he gets bored so easily!) and Mummy played a game to settle him down. Oddly the care nurse was very impressed at my strategy, and the ease with which I settled him down. I'm the Mummy, that's what we do - right? Perhaps some new Mummys would struggle a bit more with something like that. Samuel is such a good boy for this Mummy though, it's not his fault the health centre is so dull for babies!

Samuel didn't have a very strong reaction to either of the jabs, and he slept well that night even though we though he might be a bit unsettled. Well done baby Samuel.

I've been getting better over the last week or so. I suspect my tablets are starting to have some effect. It gave me the energy to get out into the garden and start work tidying that up. The front is starting to come together and Adam and I have a clear idea about what we want it to look like now. It's going to be lovely and I'm looking forward to having a little man to help with it next year!

The last couple of days have been much harder again. I'm looking forward to having a weekend away with Granny and Grandad again this week. I don't know if I should be embracing my dependency on others, or rebelling against it just now. I still feel like I really need the help, but people are basically unreliable and have lots of their own stuff going on. Adam is starting to really struggle with me, even though it's very simple. I need to know I can rely on him. He's too busy at work for overt demonstrations of prescence. It's hard for me to accept. It's complicated to have to accept help when it's offered (which I am keen to do for the time being) but not expect it to be there. Like hanging to a cliff face waiting for the rope to drop, knowing you have to climb up alone and fearing you might not have the energy. I'm just glad I have a wonderful baby keeping me like glue to the rock.