rambling, an odd sort of exposition on life

I had lots of fun on my birthday, the kittens were sick so we had an emergency trip to the vet at 9am. (we'd been up at 7am to keep an eye on them.) We did get a lovely day for the BBQ on the beach. It's just a shame that a Beach Warden with a bad attutude came over and moved us on. So we carried everything back to a mates house everyone continued the party there. Adam and I ran home to check on the babas and at 8pm I eventually started my day. I did get a good couple of hours of great natter with very good friends. I must ensure I get more time with them soon.

I managed to get a really good deal on promotional stuff with Forbes of Kingennie, in their wedding information pack. Lets see if I get any enquiries from that over the next couple of years (that's how long the magasine will be produced for.) I have a week or so to arrange some new images for the purpose, and I will have to ask Sarah nicely to do some text for me. They do the fomatting to match with the design of the magazine and the production quality looks to be really great. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I have been feeling really lonely of late. Not helped by the fact that I have really been in the mood to go out. It's rude to just invite myself over to Dundee for an evening so I'm relying on people remembering I exist and letting me know when they are planning a pub trip. It looks like I have dropped off peoples radar recently so the invitations are not forthcoming. Oh well. We'll see.

Since the equinox I have been gradually more stable in my mood. The full moon over the weekend put a bit of a dent in that. With the waning of the moon I get the feeling that it is time to say goodbye to Eric. I've been clinging, waiting for him to come back into my life. Though it will be hard for him to do that if I haven't let my old expectations of him go. I really don't feel I'm properly ready though. I'm being called out again to worship, and I know that He wants to help me move on from this and learn. I'm scared that it won't be worth all the pain. Scared enough that I don't want to go.

In spite of the fear, I am starting to feel that time is going to help. For the first time in so many months I can imagine a time when I will say goodbye, grieve properly and fully, grow and heal. It's comforting.

Other stuff happened, wedding things are going OK for a change. Sarah is helping with some loose ends. The kittens have recovered from thier latest bout of sickness. We are finishing off some more details for the wedding this weekend. The invitations are basically ready to be sent - and they'll go off soon. I have some sorting out of the house to do and some work. Keeping busy.